Hey, its Friday! That means it is time for another installment of Friday Night Funnies. Tonight's selection comes to you courtesy of Nick Redfern. I stumbled upon his blog entry and found it too hilarious and well-written not to share. Nick's blog, "Nick Redfern's World of Whatever," can be found at THIS LINK. Enjoy, and stop over and take a look at this excellent blog. (Comic by Terri J. Garofalo)
The 10 Commandments of Paranormal TV:
1. Thou shalt always have thy team comprised of more
men than women. The former should generally sport some form of headwear
(either a baseball cap or something befitting Indiana Jones). The latter
should always be kept away from Manna from Heaven and the food of the
gods. Anorexic-looking, in other words.
2. Ensure that thy cast doth drive a flashy all-terrain
vehicle rather than a car. If that same vehicle can be filled with lots
of cameras, weird-looking devices and advanced technologies - and
bountiful shots of such items can be captured for the viewer - ye will
reap rewards beyond thy imagination (that's to say you will get your
expenses paid a week early).
3. Lest ye risk facing the wrath of the Almighty (in
this case the TV channel that is funding the show), thou shalt secure a
great deal of night-vision footage. And not for any particular reason,
aside from, well, it's night-vision footage and everyone else's show has
it, so why not thy heroes, too?
4. To avoid forever being plunged into the heart of
some hellish realm, ensure that at least every 5 minutes one of thy cast
members utters a variation of the following words (which must always be
whispered, rather than spoken or shouted): "What the hell was that?!"
"Did you hear that?!" "What the f**k is that?!" "Can you see that?!"
5. Take careful steps never to forget that, when a
commercial break doth loom large on the horizon, thou shalt build up the
atmosphere with something that appears mysterious, but - Lo and Behold!
- after the break, thy team will resolve the matter in down to earth,
jokey, semi-relieved style.
6. Verily, in the commercials that promote the show in
the hours before it is broadcast, always be careful to ensure that at
least one person's words are edited in a fashion that takes them totally
out of their original context.
7. Stress to thy heroes of the hour (or half an hour,
depending on budget) that at some point they must speak in an out of
breath fashion, and if this can be done while running from something
terrible (but actually non-existent), ye will all be granted entrance
into the next joyous realm of existence (or, as it's also known: Season
8. Never forget that haunted houses and
creature-infested woods should not be entered into until the sun has set
and darkness is upon both ye and the land. Daylight shootings will
provoke a wrath of unimaginable horror. Its almost unspeakable name is:
9. Do thy utmost to make sure the team comes across as
more learned and intelligent than the witnesses they encounter on their
journey towards enlightenment.
10. And, finally, the most important commandment of
all, and one of definitive behind-the-scenes proportions: when trying to
secure the services of people to appear on thy show, always ensure that
the researcher whose job it is to phone the witnesses, authors and
investigators reads the following sacred verse: "Hi, I'm [Insert Name]
from the [Insert Name] Channel. We would like to interview your for our
show [Yep, again: Insert Name]. But, unfortunately, we can't pay you as
we don't have much of a budget [Yes, you do, you lying prick]. But it
will be good publicity for you, we'll try and pay all your airfare, and
we'll even buy you a coke. How's that sound?"