Baby sloths are seriously the cutest things on the planet. You can't help but fall in love with their adorable little faces, and their slow, unsteady movements. LOOK at this little guy! I just want to give him a big hug.
But, as sloths get older their cuteness takes on a somewhat disturbing new countenance. That inherent slothy innocence becomes twisted into a disturbing, freaky ball of awkward. I can only imagine what depraved, evil thoughts are running through their little minds...and I'm not the only one. What is known as the Rape Sloth meme has taken the internet by storm with its ironic mix of horrific hilarity. I won't post any examples here, but just look at this next lil' guy.
WHAT is running through his mind? Is he planning to murder me and my whole family or knock over a liquor store? Those penetrating, beady eyes look like they're staring into my very soul...wait, can he STEAL my soul??? Well, maybe not, but he is pretty creepy. However, there are still visible remnants of that cute little baby hiding under the 40 year old man-boy bowl cut and bangs. You could probably argue that he's so ugly he's cute...but only approachable with extreme caution.
Unfortunately, the evolution of the sloth's demise into horror does not stop there. Every living thing eventually has to die and return to dust. THIS is what is left when a sloth meets its maker:
AAAAHHH!!! What level of Dante's Hell did that thing crawl out of? It's teeny head and its long, razor-like claws (a friend described them as something Freddy Krueger would be proud of) are straight out of a nightmare. This particular photo doesn't do it any favors, either. Can you see this thing crawling toward you in that slow, hypnotic sloth gait, reaching out with those talons and scraping them down your tender flesh? I've seen representations of demons that weren't so terror-inducing!
Well, I've succeeded in freaking myself out and I hope I've done the same for you. Sweet dreams, tonight!
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